


What's So Wrong With Me?

by wendyindahouse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Internal Monologue, M/M, jealous!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 15:25:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1095617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendyindahouse/pseuds/wendyindahouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has always been content to leave his feelings for Castiel on the back burner since he knows Cas isn't interested in a relationship with a man.  Then he discovers Cas has agreed to go on a date with a guy he met in a bar and the jealousy pushes its way to the surface.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's So Wrong With Me?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the following Anon prompt on tumblr:
> 
> oh PLEASE write me some jealous!dean. Some internal monologue jealousy would make my day!
> 
> [(my tumblr)](http://poorbeautifuldean.tumblr.com)
> 
> I guess it's set around the start of S9, but at the same time, bears no resemblance to what really happened at the start of S9 :)

Dean scowls at the guy talking to Cas over by the bar.  He leans in, definitely closer than he needs to Dean thinks darkly, since it really isn’t that noisy in here, to say something into Cas’ ear.  Cas glances over his shoulder at Dean before shaking his head in reply to the other guy.  Dean grinds his teeth as the guy places a palm on Cas’ shoulder, fingers spread, before stroking down his arm to rest over his hand as it leans on the bar.  He’s clearly trying to come on to Cas, and Dean takes grim satisfaction in the knowledge that Cas won’t be interested. 

He loses track of how long he sits there by himself, picking idly at the label on his beer bottle, before Cas returns.  He is all smiles and happiness as he hands Dean a new beer and slides into the booth across from him.

“I made a new friend Dean” he grins. 

“I think he may want to be more than your friend Cas” Dean replies, drily.

“Well, yes, I know that.  He asked me out on a date, in fact.  But that’s still a friend right?”

“Uh… probably not anymore if you turned him down Cas”.  Dean shrugs “Sorry.”

Cas’ brow wrinkles in confusion.

“But why would I turn him down?  He’s certainly attractive, and he seems very kind.  He paid for these drinks actually” and Cas clinks his bottle against Dean’s with a wink.

Dean is speechless.  Cas has said yes to a date.  With a dude.  But he doesn’t  _like_ dudes.  Not like that.  Dean would know, given that it’s something he’s had more than a passing interest in for quite a while now.  Or maybe he wouldn’t.  Dean’s heart sinks.  He’d always assumed that Cas was only interested in women, though he’d dared to hope occasionally that the bond they shared hinted at more.  He’d naively thought that, if anyone, it would be the connection to him that would convince Cas to take that leap.  But apparently he’d just been fooling himself and Cas didn’t really need convincing at all; he just needed a better incentive than Dean.  He downs the rest of his beer and slides out from the table, dredging up a smile.

“Uh…that’s great Cas.  But it’s getting late… we should head back to the bunker”.  His jaw clenches as he sees Cas turn to wave at the guy still standing by the bar and he strides out to the Impala, hands curling into fists.

***

Dean is not at all impressed when Cas asks for help choosing his outfit for the date.  He did  _not_ sign up for this.  Pretending to be happy for Cas is one thing, but helping him?  Hell no!  But then Cas smiles his soft smile, making the damn puppy dog eyes he surely learnt from Sam, and he cannot help himself.  Most of what Cas owns is awful anyway and maybe Dean can convince him to wear one of those hideous sweaters that’ll put the other guy right off.  He smirks as he follows Cas into his room and throws himself onto the bed, leaning up against the headboard, arms folded.

The smirk is wiped off his face as Cas pulls off the baggy sweater he’s been wearing around the bunker and rummages in the closet, smooth muscle and sinew gliding under the taut, tanned skin.  His fingers itch to touch, stroke and caress, and his stomach churns at the knowledge that it will be some other guy who gets to do it.  He swallows hard, mouth lifting at one corner in a small smile as Cas turns to face him, shrugging on a dark-blue dress shirt.  Dean doesn’t know where the hell it came from, but it fits Cas like a glove, pulled tight across his lightly muscled chest and upper arms, sleeves rolled up to reveal strong forearms.  The dark blue colour seems to amplify the colour of his eyes too, making them look even more ridiculously intense than usual.

“What do you think Dean?” he asks, spreading his arms wide, a hopeful smile softening his mouth.  Dean knows it is unfair to respond the way he does, but he can’t stop himself.

“Uh…Yeah.  I guess you’ll do” he says, shrugging.  Guilt shoots through him as Cas’ smile fades and he looks down at himself a little doubtfully.

“Naw… You look good man.  Honestly”.  Cas beams, and it shoots through Dean almost like a physical pain.  But then, it’s his own fault, isn’t it?  He never said anything, never took the risk, and now that sleaze from the bar will get to enjoy spending time with Cas; enjoy being close to him, touching him, kissing those soft lips… fuck!  Dean bites his lip hard, wincing at the sharp pain.  Cas frowns.

“Are you feeling alright Dean?  Are you still okay to drive me to the bar?  I mean… I could cancel… if you wanted?” he asks tentatively.

Dean wishes he could say no, he's not okay, so that Cas has to call the whole thing off, or at least walk which would make him late so maybe the sleaze would leave.  But he can’t do that to Cas.  

“Sure, Cas.  I’m fine.  Let’s get you to the ball Cinderella!”

“I don't... Who or what is Cinderella Dean?” Cas asks, and Dean can’t help but laugh.

“It really doesn’t matter dude.  Just get your ass in the car!”

***

Dean drums his fingers on the steering wheel, glancing over at Cas, who is unusually silent.

“So, uh…you excited about this date then Cas?”  He doesn’t know why he’s asking.  The jealousy is already roiling in the pit of his stomach without having to hear about how much Cas likes this guy.

“I think so” Cas answers slowly.  “I mean, he seems nice so it should be pleasant enough, right?”

Dean snorts.  Pleasant.  As if that’s enough for Cas.  Cas deserves fireworks; deserves someone who will lavish him with attention; deserves…love.  Deserves someone better than Dean. He opts not to voice any of these thoughts as they pull into the parking lot of the bar.

“Why are you going on a date with him if you’re not sure you even like him?” he asks instead.  Cas sighs.

“Because I have to do it some time Dean.  I’d like to share my life with someone, such as it is, and I can’t wait around forever for…” he stops, taking a deep breath before continuing.  “Since I can’t wait forever for them to come to me, how else am I going to meet someone to spend time with?”

“You already have people to spend time with” Dean protests sulkily.

“Yes, Dean.  Of course I have you to spend time with, but…”

“But what?  What’s so wrong with me?” he blurts out, before he can stop himself.  Cas turns towards him, eyes wide with surprise. 

“What?”

Dean shakes his head, refusing to look at him.

“Nothing.  It doesn’t matter.  Just get on in there and enjoy yourself.”

“Dean?” Cas queries softly.  Dean merely responds with another shake of the head, fingers gripping the steering wheel so tightly the leather creaks beneath them.

“Dean… I’m going on this date with  _him_ because he _asked_ me.  And because… because _you_ never have.”

Dean finally turns to look at Cas, and sees truth and… is that hope in those impossibly bright eyes?

“Wait, are you saying that if I asked you… asked you out on a date… you would be interested?”

Cas bites at his lower lip anxiously, before giving a tiny nod, so slight Dean almost misses it.  Almost.  His gaze drops to Cas’ lips, the almost ever-present urge to kiss them that he constantly suppresses thrumming through his veins.  Maybe he should just give in to it; let go of all the jealousy and maybe actually have what he has wanted for so long now.

“Dean?” Cas interrupts his thoughts, and he raises his eyes to meet Cas’ only to find worry and fear there.  Shit.  Right.  Cas can’t actually read his mind anymore.

“Um…okay…uh…” he rubs at his neck and rolls his eyes at the blush he can feel staining his cheeks.  “Would you like to, you know... maybe, I don’t know…go on a date with me or something?”

Cas’ face softens as a smile breaks out on his face, and Dean knows he is grinning like an idiot in response.   Although, now he comes to think of it, Cas hasn’t actually said yes, and maybe he misunderstood something, and oh God, this is why he doesn’t  _do_ feelings.

The sound of laughter breaks into his thoughts and he looks up, confused, to find Cas’ face mere millimetres away from his own.   Cas reaches up to cup his face with his hands.

“For goodness sake Dean Winchester” he whispers.  “Would you just get over yourself and kiss me already?”  And Dean absolutely does not whimper as Castiel answers the question for him, closing the distance and pressing their lips together in what Dean will never, ever tell anyone is the most perfect kiss he’s ever had.


End file.
